Ciao, Chile

I have been home for two weeks to the day, but I still haven't figured out how exactly to say goodbye. How do I relocate an entire world to memory? How do I contain what feels like a lifetime lived in five months without causing it to lose its shine and vivacity through compression?

So far, I've found the memory of my time abroad intimidating. I find myself struck by disbelief that something so huge now only exists in the past and in my mind. When I look at the memory, I'm bombarded by details that I didn't notice consciously while the experiences formed the present, but now, would never want to forget: the cigarette butts lining the grooves in the paving stones of the sidewalks on my walk home, the foggy windows of the kitchen when Rosa was cooking lunch on a cold day, the feeling of anonymity and the sense of freedom that came with it while walking down a busy street, the shine of the ocean on a sunny day, the sound of my host siblings' laughter as they rolled through the house on a longboard, the exhilaration of being pulled downhill by what felt like the very city itself to join in its chaotic flow of energy and life. Those are details I will forever treasure.

But in a lot of  ways, Valparaíso and all that it gave is now part of who I am. It shows itself everyday, even in this comfortable, familiar, cold, dark place called home that couldn't feel farther away from my unpredictable, mysterious, bright, and colorful city by the sea. I am more confident and independent, but newly able to embrace my dependence on those around me, near and far. I am more patient and less controlling. I am better able to see situations from the outside and more accepting of that which I do not find logical. I am now easily overwhelmed by options (50 types of face wash!? An entire aisle of crackers!?), conscious of waste in my own life, and grateful for what I do have. And finally, I have a renewed love and appreciation for my home that is not at all tempered by consciousness of the vastness of the world and desire to explore every inch of it.  

Thank you to my parents and sister who once again demonstrated the wisdom, generosity, and unconditional love that has colored my life and profoundly shaped who I am today. Thank you to my Josh for your unfaltering love, support, patience, and help seeing the beauty in the foreign. Thank you to my host parents who taught me more than they will ever know and showed me more kindness than I could ever dreamed possible. Thank you to the friends and family whose every word of encouragement simultaneously made me homesick and provided me with the invaluable pieces of home that kept me going when I felt farthest away. Thank you to the bus drivers who guessed where I needed to go when I myself has no idea and the vendors who always stopped laughing for long enough to help me get what I needed. Thank you to a country who despite suspicion, let me see and experience so much and became the place in which I grew tremendously. And thank you to every single person who has ever encouraged my curiosity for getting me to the door of that plane that would take me far, far away and providing me with the ability to absorb and learn once I got there. To you all, I am forever grateful.

All my love,

Noora